i just wanted to rant a little about my glorious lake house trip a few weeks back, and how wonderfully liberating it was.

Basically the one thing i really was getting down on myself about was my lack of confidence in how i appear. and my biggest fear: baithing suits. Not just wearing one, but wearing it infront of people i knew. but on this lake house/boating trip, i was forced to do just that.

and i'm so glad i did!

it wasn't just being in a baithing suit that was so great, it was seeing all of our "less than perfect" friends doing the same...people who just don't have a good body, straight up, in clothes that bare all. and this carefree nature of those around me combined with my demand to just do it and get it over with enlightened me in ways only such an experience could.

consequently, i am no longer self concious about my body. i really couldn't care less, as long as i'm healthy and troy still loves me. I am not morbidly obese...or really "obese" at all (i do pack a few extra pounds though, admitidly but who cares?!) and i am happy with that for the first time in my life.

i gotta soak up this love of myself while i can! although it's been about a month now, and nothing has hindered this new found self confidence. it's pretty freakin' sweet.

and i don't take that for granted!
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as a random side note, my back is rather sore, and i have no idea what happened. it feels like the time i wrecked the ATV i was driving...like, that day after pain when your muscles were all jostled, ya know?

took a musle relaxer and an anti-inflamatory i got from the doc's awhile back, another time when i hurt my back pretty bad after lifting a really heavy box of mail at work.

oh the irony (i work at a worker's comp facility).

i didn't let them pay for it though because in many situations i do not believe in workers' comp...like when you make the error...and i did in that case by not lifting with me knees.

i always lift with my knees now!